A Sad Day

Little J awoke this morning to find his pet Goldfish, Lightning, dead and floating at the top of the bowl. In Lightning's defense he lived a long, and full live, and was really beyond his years. J was very upset about his fish's passing and we had a "Nemo" burial , i.e. he passed to the next life on the Kholer Express. There were more than a few tears shed, and leave it to his little brother to remind him throughout the day that we had flushed his beloved pet down the toilet!! I even overheard J making up a song about him and his fish. It was an odd little ditty about a fish that goes away and cannot play. He has asked that I buy him a new fish, but I figure that since I just got him a second little brother maybe we could hold off on getting him something new for a bit. Feel free to email any condolences to my gmail account. I would be happy to pass them on. In lieu of flowers we ask that you hug a fish instead.

These Boots Were Made For Walkin'

I love this picture, it really captured the essence of little M. Please take a moment to look at my child's feet.... I am not sure if my 2 year old realizes that it is 100 deg. outside and he is wearing snowboots. Correction, he is ALWAYS wearing these snowboots. He maintains that they are his "power boots". When M wears said boots he has superhero powers and is able to jump over a building in a single bound. You will also notice that he has captured the red PowerRanger in his hand. For all you PowerRanger fans, you know that the Red Ranger is the leader of the Rangers, and has the most power so its no far stretch of the imagination that my son also believes that he is a ninja master. The most common sound out of M's mouth is "hee-yah", this is accompanied by several sharp karate chops and a couple of well mastered round-house kicks! He is the funniest little person I know.

* Disclaimer: My house is not nearly as filthy as this picture makes it appear :-)

big J's havin' a BIG b-day!

J's having a birthday shout hooray. We want to sing to you today. One year older and wiser too. Happy Birthday to YOU!!

Today is a big day in our house. Big J turns 30 today, gasp! I have been teasin' J about this birthday for quite some time now. My mil is still in town so we loaded up the mini and headed out to J's work to bring him this surprise b-day cake. He was really cute when little M put the traditional b-day hat on him. The hat needs a little explaining. Its our tradition to wear this hat on our respective b-days. The birthday person MUST wear the hat ALL day unless otherwise instructed by their employeer or teacher. It really is great fun and garners the wearer lots of "happy birthday" shouts from random people. The hat has also been know to inspire some singing from strangers too.

I am so glad that J was born he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I know that I am a better person for having him in my life. So, big props to his mom for having him !!!

Enjoy your special day love !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <-there are 30 of 'em

Jumping Monkeys

Okay, so J and M have a special love in their lives. I wish that I could say that I am that "special love" but nay I am not. They LOVE. LOVE, LOVE to jump on the guest bed with their sock monkeys. The boys Texas Grandma made them these adorable sock monkeys, and it seems that whenever mischief is found so too are those monkeys (the sock and boy monkeys).

Texas Grandma is coming for a visit so we needed to change the bed linens and there is no more perfect time to jump on the bed than when it is linen free :-) It's a little hard to see in the first photo, but J's feet are actually off the bed, oh yes he is airborne. Secretly, I love watching my boys jump on the bed. They are soo cute. They say the funniest things when they are playing together and listening to them giggle and laugh when they land makes my heart happy. They truly are delicious little beings.

Blog Repentence

So as a friend of mine, we'll just call her "Jenn" mainly bc thats her name, mention to me that I have been less than diligent about updating the ole blog-a-roo! So, here is the updated and this update comes with a promise that I will be updating and adding to this blog with more consistency, ummmkay ;-)

Welcoming Our New Little One !!

We are soooo happy to FINALLY announce the birth of our son "S". On June 24, 2008, at 12:17 p.m. we welcomed our newest addition. The birth was quick and emotional, but pain-free so mom was very happy :-). S was by far my smallest birth weighing in at a mere 6 lbs. 14 oz. He measure 19.5 inches long, which give his weight makes him a smidge lanky, but he is an Edwards and they build 'em big over there ;-).
The boys LOVE him, and have to be remined, frequently, that kissing him on the face should be limited to less than one hundred times a day. Jason and I are relieved that the boys are so interested in making S feel loved. Adjusting to three is an ongoing process, but I think that I might just be getting the hang of it. Now, if I could only get the boys to behave during Sacrament meeting my life would really be smooth sailing.

Merry Christmas, Ready or Not, here it comes

"Are you ready for Christmas?" I have heard this question about 5,837 times in the last two weeks. I am pretty sure that is an accurate number, just in case you are wondering ;-). The answer, however, is a resounding NO!!! I'm not ready, even though I started shopping in October. Good intentions, right? The last real shopping day is tomorrow and I still have one gift for little J, and stocking items to purchase. I am at the point where I feel like I am buying just to "have" and not because it is something that they will LOVE. This year was suppose to be the year that we focused on the real meaning of Christmas. My goal was to give each child three gifts to symbolize those given by the Wisemen. Now, we wouldn't be giving them myrrh or anything, just keeping it simple. Well, the actual number of gifts has risen a tad, but I still don't feel "done". I haven't gotten that one gift that will be "the one". You know the gift that in 20 years they are still saying, "I remember the year I got ___! Boy that was a great Christmas!"

I still remember my most favorite Christmas ever! It was 1983. I got a girlie, Hot Wheels style big wheel tricycle. I remember waking up at around 5 a.m. and my sister and I tried to keep really quiet. We weren't allowed to open presents until EVERYONE was up, and in a house of 12 people that can be difficult to accomplish. I remember the tree was glowing with what seemed like a million lights. There was a sea of presents. They stretched from the tree in the corner of the front room all the way to the middle of the room. In the midst of all these presents were three trikes. One for Adam (black and yellow, with some red on it), Michael's was exactly the same, and a pink one for me. Oooooh! I was in LOVE! I couldn't read well, but man, I recognized my name on that big wheel from across the room, no lie! There was such a warmth in that room as we opened presents and laughed. As the excitement over who got what grew more and more vocal, remember there are 8 kids opening gift-we were pretty loud, I looked around and for some reason I tried to burn those images into my mind. Even at 5 I was a pretty serious being. I am really glad that I did etch that into my brain. It has served me well when Christmas spirit was nearly non-existent. The Christmas that my dad lost his job, and we were told there was going to be no Christmas I cherished the "big wheel" Christmas memory. I longed to be 5 again. Amidst a sea of gifts and the warm glow of that gigantic evergreen with the million glowing bulbs. Then again when I was eight months pregnant with my first son. I was bound to the state of Utah, and unable to travel out of Provo for Christmas. The memory of the "big wheel" Christmas metamorphasized into what was really great about Christmas in my house growing up. It really wasn't about the sea of gifts, or my dads boots by the tree in a failed attempt to make tweenagers believe Santa really was real. It was about the tradition of love, joy, and remembrance of the Savior's birth. Knowing that the one who came into this world without a place to lay his infant head, would be the Savior of all mankind. He would give all he had so that we would could have life eternal. Selflessness. This is what I want my children to remember about Christmas. Of course, if it starts with a "big wheel" type of memory and evolves to something more I will be thankful. They are still children after all.

So, I guess I am ready for Christmas. As a matter of fact, bring it on!!!

New Job!

Yesterday, I received my "official" job offer, even though the Mammo supervisor already let me know I "had" the job. I am really excited for the opportunity to specialize my training in the Radiology field by learning the art of Mammography. Mammography is a low-dose X-ray procedure used to produce a film or digital image of your breast. The image is called a mammogram. Often, this procedure can identify breast cancer long before it can be detected by a physical examination. This job is a great opportunity not only because the images are so vital to primary care in the field of women's health, but also becuase I only work rotating Saturdays, and NO (yes you read that right!) call!!!!! This means that I will no longer have to worry about the infamous 3 a.m. pager blow up or the call that brings me down to the department only to find that I really didn't need to be there. I am also really looking forward to not having to work the E.R. or the O.R. as neither of these areas are in need of a quick mammogram to dx a patient. I have a lot to be thankful for with the offer of this new job and I am happy to make myself equal to the task. Now of course, when feb. rolls around and I am studying for my mammo boards like a mad woman that will be another story :-)

Reclaiming My Blog!

So I have decided to reclaim my blog back to its intended purpose, sharing with friends and family the random happenings of our life. Now there was a time that I used this blog as my Stampin' Up Website, but no longer. It has been reclaimed!!!!! (there is triumphant music playing in the background)

My sweet little Moo

My little moo! If you could only hear the sighs that I make when I say that. He is growing so big. Today he took, what I am calling, and unofficial first step. It is crazy how that one action has sent me reeling in memories of the last 16 months of his life. J learned to walk much, much earlier. He was fully operational on that front around 10.5 months. M on the other hand is so like his Papi, he will do it, but on his own terms. I admire that quality.
As I started to soak up these memories like tiny bits of sunshine I found myself reliving them. From the moment that we found out that we were pregnant. The excitement in our son’s eyes when we told him that he was a big brother. How fun it was to surprise everyone with our good news in creative little ways. The thrill I felt when I knew we were adding another boy to our brood (anyone who knows me knows that the thought of having a girls terrifies me). The sadness we felt when we were told there was a problem in utero. The gentle whispering of the Spirit when we felt that everything would work itself out. There was lots of exhaustion as we saw every Perinatologist in the greater Indianapolis area. The fear we felt as we went into labor early, followed by the sweet relieve of labor-halting drugs! Anticipation was the next emotion as we met our sweet little on merely days before Thanksgiving. He is the greatest anniversary and birthday present I have ever received. More emotions followed as the first year of his life progressed. Joy as he nursed like a champ. Deprivation as we went without sleep for what felt like years. Heartbreak as we watched him struggle to gain weight, and triumph as we found good doctors to treat him. Elation as he took his first bites of real food and we knew that weight would no longer be a struggle. Thrill as he rolled around on the cheap carpet of our townhouse in graduate school. Reprieve as he learned to sleep through the night. That was thanks to a gentle nudging from Auntie Natalie. Victory as he proudly crawled around our house, like a lion surveying his jungle. As a mother who talks A LOT I felt certain self-importance as he navigated his way through all the words that verbal adults use in a single day and started to gleefully scream, “Dah” or “Momma”.
Now, his first steps are upon me and all I think of is the moment that Dr. Genaris placed him on my chest. I just kept repeating, “its okay baby momma’s here.” I know that walking is a feat that requires a lot of a little body. It also carries with it something that as a mommy I cannot handle…falling. With falling comes bruises and scrapes. I want my children’s little bodies to stay as perfect as they were when entered this world. Of course, Jason tells me repeatedly that falling is how you learn. The reminder that in that fall is a metaphor for what life sometimes requires of us. As a mother walking also means no more carrying them on your hip, feeling that in God’s perfect design that part of your body that you worked so hard to rid your self of really was very handy. Warm snuggles, and much desired cuddles ebb away. My desire for his independence is battling with my instinct to comb his fine red hair, ritually grooming my young one. I am forever his protector, but not from the cold reality that is my pavement. Gravity is no respecter of motherhood.
I just pray that as he discovers his new talent that I will be blessed with a steel stomach and an iron will to restrain myself from grabbing his tiny body as it makes its way to the ground. It is true that learning to walk is the first great lesson needed for adulthood. When you fall down, quickly get back up. Nothing was ever accomplished laying on the ground wondering how you got there. The most important lesson learned is that when you are down is when you get the best view of Heaven. Always look to the one who created you with a desire to better than you were that time before.
My tiny moo is growing up, it’s a fact of life. The forces of human development are against me. I will cheer as he walks, tear as he runs, but all the while have faith that my job as mom is never really done!

I am such a slacker!

Okay, so I have had this Blog for a bit but I haven't been keeping it up well. Of course, my thought is that you can't go back in time and you should just try to be better than you were the day before, and no I have never been in a 12-step program before!!! It's my mantra!
In my effort to reconnect with my Blog, I will say that I had an awesome V-day!! J stayed home from work and we had a family love day! I have never seen little J so pysched, but M was all for playing in the park and going to McD's for yet MORE playtime. It was nice to know that if I wanted to I could have taken a nap or just gone to the store alone. Although, I think that V-day is a made up holiday that carries with it very little value, I so think that there is one positive to it. It makes people think about the ones they love and why they love them. I have never had to struggle to remember why I love J. He is my rock, he helps me to find my center, and work from there. He never "expects" me to be something that I am not. When I am critical of myself, I am a girl of course, I am critical of myself, he chimes right in with what he likes about me. I know that there is genuine love when I look in his eyes. We have a beautiful family, full of fun, and laughter. Most importantly J and I have a family that is tender and it is all because two people fell in love!!!
<3>

Movin' On Up!

Welcome Home Edwards Family!!

On December 30, 2006 we moved our small family into our very first home! It was very exciting to call it "ours" and for big J more exciting to call it "home". He was a little misty eyed when he started moving stuff in and the realization had set it that it was ours. Our entire marriage we have rented and paid for others to have nice boats, and expensive vacations, but now it is our turn to earn something nice for ourselves. We were fortunate to find this place as we had been looking for months to find a suitable place to raise our kids. This house came on the market as we contemplated firing our realtor. It had been on the market 0 days and seeing the price tag I knew it wouldn't be on the market long. I called up or "agent" (I must use that term loosly), she agreed to get us in the home that day. When we arrived we had a really special feeling that there was something her for us. As we walked to the front door we noticed that other people had decided to help themselves to a look-see as well. We walked around and just loved this house. The kitchen was big, there was a playroom for the kids, and most importantly there was a fenced in backyard for them to play in. We made an offer that minute and the rest, as they say is history. Packing and moving were not nearly as blissful as buying the house. We had originally planned on moving in mid-January, but our property manager at the townhouse we were renting failed to fufill his obligations according to our lease and so we ended up moving alot sooner than expected, like two weeks sooner. We had to really hustle to get out of our place. Luckily we had made alot of really great friends in our last ward and they really came through for us. They helped load the truck and unload as well as let us borrow their truck so that we could get some necessary items for our new house. When we first arrived in this town I was very iffy about the size, and the mentality of the people living here. I feared that if I raised my kids here they would also be of a "small town" mindset, and I didn't want that. As the summer turned to fall I started to realize that this town has some really great qualities and more importantly some genuine people that make you want to stay. I feel like we are still a little "big city" for this town, and the fact that there is no Wally world makes it difficult at times, but I wouldn't trade all the Targets in the world for the warmth and hospitality that I feel here in my little po-dunk town :-)

Life is like a box of Chocolates!

M is one of the single most joyous beings in my life! He has the abilty to help me see what my "old" eyes have forgotten. Life is about discovery, finding something yummy in every situation, and being carefree is sometimes the only way to be. He recently turned one so I am compelled by natural law to think back on his birth. On Nov. 21, 2005 I went early to Saint Elizabeth Hospital in Lafayette, Indiana. Jason was in his Graduate studies, but today was all about family. Dr. Genaris had decided that because J was so big, and had broken his clavicle on the way out it would be better to take M a few weeks early. Lucky me, I got to pick the date that M arrived into the world!
My experience in the hospital was pretty typical of any woman who labors in a hospital. I was monitored and allowed to walk on my own until I decided to get my epidural. Let us pause for a moment and give thanks to the man, who through divine inspiration created the epidural....Thank you I will return to my story. Around 5 p.m. I asked for my dream drug, and all went well with the procedure. I was feeling less contraction pains, and was able to focus more on having a beautiful baby boy. My Doctor came back to check me around 6 p.m. and decided that I wasn't progressing on my own and therefor would "break" my water for me. He was very quick and once my water broke labor went very quickly. My contractions came strong and on top of each other, and for once in my "laboring" life I could feel the contrations, not as painful as I thought, but I did have the miracle drug. Everyone hurried to set things up and I felt M ready to go. There was one moment that I felt like if I just pushed a little I could have had him out, but they (the crusty nurse) wouldn't let me. So I had to focus and try to NOT push, very hard to do when you are fully dialated and effaced. The time came that I was allowed to push and with a few good ones M was born 8:03 p.m. It was the best feeling in the world to have him laying with me. He of course, was crying, a natural past time for him, but I was able to quite him. I remember just looking at him and saying over and over, "its okay baby, mommas here" He really responded to my voice and then gave me a very trusting look. From that moment even until this day I know that M was my special gift from God, a way to let me know that He trusts me with his sweet spirits. I can hardly remember that moment without feeling a tear on my cheek. Everyday with my boys brings me closer to discovering something new about the nature of God. Its like choosing a chocolate from a colorful box...what will it be inside?? I am in love with my little box of Chocolates, what will be our next discovery?

Parenting Advice on aisle 3

Who knew that Wal Mart was in the business of giving free parenting advice?? I know I didn't. I went in to buy a carseat and was chastized by a customer service associate for putting my child in harms way. All because I wanted to purchase a display model carseat rather than on in a box. Well, lets look past the fact that I have been going to the WM for about four weeks trying to buy this exact model which I now learn is being discontinued mainly for cloth pattern rather than safety. Anyway, the associate tells me that it is illegal for him to sell me a floor model, and didn't I realize that those laws were, " in place for the safety of my child." The latter is an exact quote. Now, I won't mention the general apperance of said associate, but I find it hard to believe that he would be in a position to give me parenting advice. In the deepest regions of my heart I want to scream and rant and complain about how he didn't know anything about me or my child. I don't think that it ever would have occour to this man that I had suffered a great deal in order to give birth to the child for whom the purchase was for. I doubt that he could have ever know that I longed for this baby, and have been attentive to his every need since before he was born. I think that it would have been hard for this man to feel the love that I have for not just this baby, but my older son as well. I think that the love you feel for your children is intense, and as close to God-like love you will ever feel. I don't believe for one minute that this man would ever know how I sobbed the first night that my baby slept in his own room, or how I thank God for every moment that I exsist in the presence of my children.
So, in response to his criticism I didn't the one thing that my father impressed upon me-tell a manager. Needless to say I was so angry for the feelings that I was having that I cired, oh yeah! I cried, like a little preschool girl. I couldn't beleive myself. All that anger, and I was crying!!! Once, I got in my car I started to think who was this guy to judge me? Then the progression of my thoughts led me to judge him, I began in my mind to think very critically of him. I was shocked at myself. I mean I am nearly 28 and I am playing an adult version of name calling. I wanted to scream, "sticks and stones...." but instead I remembered a talk from Elder Bednar in the last General Conference. He spoke very directly and with conviction that there is no offense unless we make it one. I started to think of others reasons for this mans comments and I began to see him not as a hideous being, but rather just another guy trying to provide for his family, and doing his job as he was instructed. All that hurt that I felt, and disrespect literally dissolved. How nice would this world be if everyone took five seconds to put themselves in anothers place. I doubt that there would be a conflict among us. I know that I wouldn't have to worry about my brother serving in the armed forces being killed by militants, because war wouldn't exsist and militant would probably be slang for "cool", or "hot guy", or something less dangerous. I would challenge all of us to stop when offended, and try to think from the others perspective.
I want to end with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, " understanding is a two way street."

Weight Watchin' Day 1

This face explains it all!!! Who loves to diet raise your hands! You're all liars!!!!;-) So first of all, this is a picture of my son when he was about three months old. As you guessed from the picture he is not a happy camper, and today neither am I.
After over a year of horrible eating, poor exercise, and well the dreaded baby poundage I have decided to go back to Weight Watchers(R). January 2005 I first joined WW and I fell in love ,it was so incredibly easy, not to mention affordable. I chugged along losing on average 2+ lbs. a week and then around March 2005 it became very difficult to lose the weight. I would count my points very carefully and even double check them I could not figure it out. Well, on Easter Day I found out that I was pregnant-well, that explains the difficulty losing one stinkin', flippin' pound. I was actually very excited and a little nervous, but proceeded to tell Dh and he was thrilled.
I continued about my life have a very "healthy" nine months, eating everything that I could get my hands on, and by the time I had my sweet little boy (nov.2005), I had gained a whopping 30 lbs. Oh yes! Ladies and Gentlemen you read that right 30 big ones! Not to mention the fact that I wanted to nurse him as I had my older son, so pack on another 10-12 lbs. for the milk guns-not a pretty pic.
Well, today I thought that I would return to what has served me well in the past-WeightWatchers, WW as it will be referred to. I have done really well today, but I have to say that I am just no use to telling myself "no!" when it comes to food. That old adage that you are eating for two should be srticken from the books never to be mentioned again! It gives you a very false sense of what is an acceptable eating habit when you are pregnant. Of course, I cannot blame it all on old wives tales, I partly blame it on the cookie-pushin dealers at Toll House (R). What were you thinking putting cookie dough in a tube????? I would carry that stuff in my purse if I didn't fear salmonella poisoning so much-eek! Truth is, that I became complacent about my eating habits and didn't take the time to feed my body rather than my emotions. My first day at WW the group leader said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I think that she was right and while it was a difficulty and sometimes hungry day I need to keep that phrase in my mind. I have a desperate need to be healthy for my children. I want to be presentable for my husband but I want to be present for my children. I think of all the americans who eat themselves into health problems that can totally be avoided and I feel a little sad. Time to stop being a statistic and start being who I know I really am. This is my journey...