Sunday, December 23, 2007

Merry Christmas, Ready or Not, here it comes

"Are you ready for Christmas?" I have heard this question about 5,837 times in the last two weeks. I am pretty sure that is an accurate number, just in case you are wondering ;-). The answer, however, is a resounding NO!!! I'm not ready, even though I started shopping in October. Good intentions, right? The last real shopping day is tomorrow and I still have one gift for little J, and stocking items to purchase. I am at the point where I feel like I am buying just to "have" and not because it is something that they will LOVE. This year was suppose to be the year that we focused on the real meaning of Christmas. My goal was to give each child three gifts to symbolize those given by the Wisemen. Now, we wouldn't be giving them myrrh or anything, just keeping it simple. Well, the actual number of gifts has risen a tad, but I still don't feel "done". I haven't gotten that one gift that will be "the one". You know the gift that in 20 years they are still saying, "I remember the year I got ___! Boy that was a great Christmas!"
I still remember my most favorite Christmas ever! It was 1983. I got a girlie, Hot Wheels style big wheel tricycle. I remember waking up at around 5 a.m. and my sister and I tried to keep really quiet. We weren't allowed to open presents until EVERYONE was up, and in a house of 12 people that can be difficult to accomplish. I remember the tree was glowing with what seemed like a million lights. There was a sea of presents. They stretched from the tree in the corner of the front room all the way to the middle of the room. In the midst of all these presents were three trikes. One for Adam (black and yellow, with some red on it), Michael's was exactly the same, and a pink one for me. Oooooh! I was in LOVE! I couldn't read well, but man, I recognized my name on that big wheel from across the room, no lie! There was such a warmth in that room as we opened presents and laughed. As the excitement over who got what grew more and more vocal, remember there are 8 kids opening gift-we were pretty loud, I looked around and for some reason I tried to burn those images into my mind. Even at 5 I was a pretty serious being. I am really glad that I did etch that into my brain. It has served me well when Christmas spirit was nearly non-existent. The Christmas that my dad lost his job, and we were told there was going to be no Christmas I cherished the "big wheel" Christmas memory. I longed to be 5 again. Amidst a sea of gifts and the warm glow of that gigantic evergreen with the million glowing bulbs. Then again when I was eight months pregnant with my first son. I was bound to the state of Utah, and unable to travel out of Provo for Christmas. The memory of the "big wheel" Christmas metamorphasized into what was really great about Christmas in my house growing up. It really wasn't about the sea of gifts, or my dads boots by the tree in a failed attempt to make tweenagers believe Santa really was real. It was about the tradition of love, joy, and remembrance of the Savior's birth. Knowing that the one who came into this world without a place to lay his infant head, would be the Savior of all mankind. He would give all he had so that we would could have life eternal. Selflessness. This is what I want my children to remember about Christmas. Of course, if it starts with a "big wheel" type of memory and evolves to something more I will be thankful. They are still children after all.
So, I guess I am ready for Christmas. As a matter of fact, bring it on!!!

Friday, August 10, 2007

New Job!

Yesterday, I received my "official" job offer, even though the Mammo supervisor already let me know I "had" the job. I am really excited for the opportunity to specialize my training in the Radiology field by learning the art of Mammography. Mammography is a low-dose X-ray procedure used to produce a film or digital image of your breast. The image is called a mammogram. Often, this procedure can identify breast cancer long before it can be detected by a physical examination. This job is a great opportunity not only because the images are so vital to primary care in the field of women's health, but also becuase I only work rotating Saturdays, and NO (yes you read that right!) call!!!!! This means that I will no longer have to worry about the infamous 3 a.m. pager blow up or the call that brings me down to the department only to find that I really didn't need to be there. I am also really looking forward to not having to work the E.R. or the O.R. as neither of these areas are in need of a quick mammogram to dx a patient. I have a lot to be thankful for with the offer of this new job and I am happy to make myself equal to the task. Now of course, when feb. rolls around and I am studying for my mammo boards like a mad woman that will be another story :-)

Reclaiming My Blog!

So I have decided to reclaim my blog back to its intended purpose, sharing with friends and family the random happenings of our life. Now there was a time that I used this blog as my Stampin' Up Website, but no longer. It has been reclaimed!!!!! (there is triumphant music playing in the background)

Friday, March 30, 2007

My sweet little Moo

My little moo! If you could only hear the sighs that I make when I say that. He is growing so big. Today he took, what I am calling, and unofficial first step. It is crazy how that one action has sent me reeling in memories of the last 16 months of his life. J learned to walk much, much earlier. He was fully operational on that front around 10.5 months. M on the other hand is so like his Papi, he will do it, but on his own terms. I admire that quality.
As I started to soak up these memories like tiny bits of sunshine I found myself reliving them. From the moment that we found out that we were pregnant. The excitement in our son’s eyes when we told him that he was a big brother. How fun it was to surprise everyone with our good news in creative little ways. The thrill I felt when I knew we were adding another boy to our brood (anyone who knows me knows that the thought of having a girls terrifies me). The sadness we felt when we were told there was a problem in utero. The gentle whispering of the Spirit when we felt that everything would work itself out. There was lots of exhaustion as we saw every Perinatologist in the greater Indianapolis area. The fear we felt as we went into labor early, followed by the sweet relieve of labor-halting drugs! Anticipation was the next emotion as we met our sweet little on merely days before Thanksgiving. He is the greatest anniversary and birthday present I have ever received. More emotions followed as the first year of his life progressed. Joy as he nursed like a champ. Deprivation as we went without sleep for what felt like years. Heartbreak as we watched him struggle to gain weight, and triumph as we found good doctors to treat him. Elation as he took his first bites of real food and we knew that weight would no longer be a struggle. Thrill as he rolled around on the cheap carpet of our townhouse in graduate school. Reprieve as he learned to sleep through the night. That was thanks to a gentle nudging from Auntie Natalie. Victory as he proudly crawled around our house, like a lion surveying his jungle. As a mother who talks A LOT I felt certain self-importance as he navigated his way through all the words that verbal adults use in a single day and started to gleefully scream, “Dah” or “Momma”.
Now, his first steps are upon me and all I think of is the moment that Dr. Genaris placed him on my chest. I just kept repeating, “its okay baby momma’s here.” I know that walking is a feat that requires a lot of a little body. It also carries with it something that as a mommy I cannot handle…falling. With falling comes bruises and scrapes. I want my children’s little bodies to stay as perfect as they were when entered this world. Of course, Jason tells me repeatedly that falling is how you learn. The reminder that in that fall is a metaphor for what life sometimes requires of us. As a mother walking also means no more carrying them on your hip, feeling that in God’s perfect design that part of your body that you worked so hard to rid your self of really was very handy. Warm snuggles, and much desired cuddles ebb away. My desire for his independence is battling with my instinct to comb his fine red hair, ritually grooming my young one. I am forever his protector, but not from the cold reality that is my pavement. Gravity is no respecter of motherhood.
I just pray that as he discovers his new talent that I will be blessed with a steel stomach and an iron will to restrain myself from grabbing his tiny body as it makes its way to the ground. It is true that learning to walk is the first great lesson needed for adulthood. When you fall down, quickly get back up. Nothing was ever accomplished laying on the ground wondering how you got there. The most important lesson learned is that when you are down is when you get the best view of Heaven. Always look to the one who created you with a desire to better than you were that time before.
My tiny moo is growing up, it’s a fact of life. The forces of human development are against me. I will cheer as he walks, tear as he runs, but all the while have faith that my job as mom is never really done!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I am such a slacker!

Okay, so I have had this Blog for a bit but I haven't been keeping it up well. Of course, my thought is that you can't go back in time and you should just try to be better than you were the day before, and no I have never been in a 12-step program before!!! It's my mantra!
In my effort to reconnect with my Blog, I will say that I had an awesome V-day!! J stayed home from work and we had a family love day! I have never seen little J so pysched, but M was all for playing in the park and going to McD's for yet MORE playtime. It was nice to know that if I wanted to I could have taken a nap or just gone to the store alone. Although, I think that V-day is a made up holiday that carries with it very little value, I so think that there is one positive to it. It makes people think about the ones they love and why they love them. I have never had to struggle to remember why I love J. He is my rock, he helps me to find my center, and work from there. He never "expects" me to be something that I am not. When I am critical of myself, I am a girl of course, I am critical of myself, he chimes right in with what he likes about me. I know that there is genuine love when I look in his eyes. We have a beautiful family, full of fun, and laughter. Most importantly J and I have a family that is tender and it is all because two people fell in love!!!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Movin' On Up!

Welcome Home Edwards Family!!

On December 30, 2006 we moved our small family into our very first home! It was very exciting to call it "ours" and for big J more exciting to call it "home". He was a little misty eyed when he started moving stuff in and the realization had set it that it was ours. Our entire marriage we have rented and paid for others to have nice boats, and expensive vacations, but now it is our turn to earn something nice for ourselves. We were fortunate to find this place as we had been looking for months to find a suitable place to raise our kids. This house came on the market as we contemplated firing our realtor. It had been on the market 0 days and seeing the price tag I knew it wouldn't be on the market long. I called up or "agent" (I must use that term loosly), she agreed to get us in the home that day. When we arrived we had a really special feeling that there was something her for us. As we walked to the front door we noticed that other people had decided to help themselves to a look-see as well. We walked around and just loved this house. The kitchen was big, there was a playroom for the kids, and most importantly there was a fenced in backyard for them to play in. We made an offer that minute and the rest, as they say is history. Packing and moving were not nearly as blissful as buying the house. We had originally planned on moving in mid-January, but our property manager at the townhouse we were renting failed to fufill his obligations according to our lease and so we ended up moving alot sooner than expected, like two weeks sooner. We had to really hustle to get out of our place. Luckily we had made alot of really great friends in our last ward and they really came through for us. They helped load the truck and unload as well as let us borrow their truck so that we could get some necessary items for our new house. When we first arrived in this town I was very iffy about the size, and the mentality of the people living here. I feared that if I raised my kids here they would also be of a "small town" mindset, and I didn't want that. As the summer turned to fall I started to realize that this town has some really great qualities and more importantly some genuine people that make you want to stay. I feel like we are still a little "big city" for this town, and the fact that there is no Wally world makes it difficult at times, but I wouldn't trade all the Targets in the world for the warmth and hospitality that I feel here in my little po-dunk town :-)