Walk To Remember

On Saturday, our family participated in the annual "Walk to Remember" for Utah Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support. Utah Share came into our lives only moments after our son Joseph died. If it wasn't for their gentle encouragement I might have missed the only opportunity that I had to hold my son. Marci, was the first to swaddle up Joseph and present him to me like my son. Up to that point my nurse was extremely cautious with how she touched Joseph. She, my nurse, was very respectful of the fragile nature of his body, but Marci made him feel like a real newborn. Utah Share also provides monthly support groups for grieving parents. I will always have a special place in my heart for UtahShare .

Back to the walk, it was in Layton at the Ed Kinley Amphitheater. Despite my doctor's recommendation I knew that I needed to participate. It was a very cold morning, but the boys were all excited to do something in memory of Joseph. It was nice to see them get so excited about walking. Michael was more excited about riding in the stroller and of course, Sam was excited there were balloons. Jarom had a great time hunting through all the names of babies on the back of my shirt to find Joseph's name. There was a short program. A poem was read and a song was sung. To be truthful I was more moved by the poem than the song, but both were presented with love and thats what counts. Once the song was done we all walked the ajoining trail carrying blue, pink, or white balloons. The trail passed by a little pond and the boys loved looking at the ducks and the swans. When we made it back to the seating area they waited for everyone to make it back and then read the names of the babies gone too soon. It was hard to watch the balloons sail away. Each balloon represents a baby gone and a mother's dream on hold. One mother released SEVEN balloons and they weren't from a multiple gestation. I watched her bawl as she let go of the strings. The pain on her face was tangible, her tears so familiar. They got to our babies names and we let our balloons go. I wrote a message and attached to my balloon. I know it seems silly but it felt good to write a letter to my children. It made them more real. It's hard to describe, but sometimes I feel like my loses never happened. Events like this help me to remember and heal.
After the walk, we took the boys to DQ, which they LOVED! We then went to Grammie's and started to winterize her home for her. It was a long, but successful day.
Thank you Share for a wonderful event, and for being such a great support.